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Hey,
Do you believe that there is value in showing vulnerability? I believe so based on personal experience.
However, men usually struggle to open up and show vulnerability. (Watch my video on this topic)
Locking your emotions away becomes a self-defense mechanism.
On the positive side, shielding personal feelings protects men from being hurt by others.
On the negative side...
- Men are more stressed - Because negative emotions stay bottled up with no healthy outlet.
- Men feel alone - Because they buy the lie that no one understands them. They believe no one can relate to their circumstance.
- Men stay stuck - Because an outside perspective is needed at times to overcome challenges.
I want to see a society where it is normal for men to be honest about their fears, failures, and struggles. But there are some obstacles to seeing this reality.
Four barriers to vulnerability
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Past Hurts
- You tried vulnerability. But you were judged. They didn't take you seriously. They gossiped. They tried to fix it instead of just listening. All of these experiences hurt.
- Courage and wisdom is needed to show vulnerability again despite past hurts. There is risk in opening up. But the reward of true friendship, acceptance and support lies on the other side of your honesty.
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Fear of Losing Status or Respect - Reputation is tied to income. However, when we show vulnerability in a healthy way, I believe we will gain respect and connection from others.
- Income is tied to reputation. Therefore there is a wisdom in knowing the proper time and place for self disclosure.
- However the leaders I respect most are the ones who know when to admit that they do not always "have it all together".
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Social Media Comparisons
- We tend to compare our real lives to the "highlights" of others on social media. As a result, this can leave men feeling like they are not enough.
- Beware of the comparison trap and consider reducing your social media intake if you are starting to feel "less than" after scrolling on your phone.
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Lack of Positive Role Models
- "Dad, do you ever cry?", said my son a couple weeks ago. This question showed me that I need to be more intentional about showing vulnerability to my son.
- Healthy vulnerability from men is rarely publicized in the media or experienced in our families. However, as fathers there is an opportunity to be a positive example of vulnerability for our sons. As we open up to our sons, it gives our sons permission to open up about their struggles.
I want men to gain awareness of these obstacles so they can overcome and experience the benefits of vulnerability. I believe God did not intend for men to walk their journeys alone. Men can support, encourage, and strengthen one another when they are honest about their struggles.
"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity" - Proverbs 17:17
Watch Video
Until next time,
Andre
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